I realized the tools I had been given for life, could not help me build the life I desired. At first my answer was to give up, it was crazy hard to be in this crazy mean scary world anyway. My answer was to  cease being. That would stop my pain, but I did not want to be the source of more pain to my mother.

I began to search for answers and the tears began to flow. I often wondered how can one person that hasn’t been alive that long have so much pain. Now I wonder if it was all mine or if it was thought forms from the world i was just inadvertently experiencing.